The Twat’s Guide to Hating Israel Adesanya

Are you an unjustifiably angry bell end filled with mysterious rage at tedious things? Do you hate seeing people achieve, as it reminds you of your own cold, empty life devoid of meaning due to your lack of talent, effort, skill or determination coupled with your ultimate achievement being the 4 likes garnered from your 106 followers trashing a professional athlete? Do you masturbate into your mother’s underwear draw? Well done friend, you sound like a complete shit troll cunt who hates Adesanya for absolutely no real reason, besides maybe your laundry list of insecurities and/or size of your penis. But never fear. We at the Combat Hub offices never leave complete scumbags in the lurch like this and make it our mission to give pieces of shit the ammo necessary to defend their irredeemable views. Get comfortable while we teach you how to hate Israel Adesanya.

  • “He likes cartoons”

This argument is a slam dunk, cartoons are for children, so unless Adesanya is a flyweight or dating Pat Barry, his love for them is stupid and embarrassing. This animal relaxes on his sofa like a pussy, watching the same regurgitated rubbish for hours on end, mostly related to fighting. The audacity of this scumbag who even dances, spars, tweets and bonds with his friends over this pathetic shared interest. We hate Adesanya because this without question makes him a nerd, and he needs stuffing in a locker. Watching larger than life characters build up to a battle for weeks only to culminate into a big fight at the end filled with drama and intrigue? It makes me sick and has no place in the UFC. The fact that he’s into this really niche activity that the world hasn’t fully accepted yet is completely alien to MMA fans, and this dork needs stripping of his title for making us the laughingstock of sports.

  • “He got knocked out once when he was kickboxing”

Another absolute lay up of an argument here. Everybody knows to be considered a good fighter there’s no way you can ever be knocked out. Not in kickboxing, MMA, water polo, or ultimate frisbee. Not only did Adetwatya get viciously knocked out, he got knocked out by a guy called Pir.. Peerr.. *checks notes* Pereira. He can’t even be that good, he’s never even been UFC champion, in fact he’s never even fought in the UFC! So embarrassing it could make your eyes water. Look at all the greatest fighters of all time, none of them have been knocked out. You really think Khabib would let Pereira knock him out in a kickboxing match? Exactly, absolutely not, he’s undefeated for Christ sake. If anyone gives you any shit about this guy actually being a very, very good kickboxer just reply with the gif of him getting knocked it, there is absolutely no counter argument against visual evidence.

  • “He’s not from America, or even Africa”

The ‘Obama’ offense is great as it’s not blatantly racist nor xenophobic to suggest you can’t really relate to someone because of where they’re from, as it’s just a bit of a ‘culture shock’. I know he’s well-spoken and speaks English, but its trendy to be African now and Adefraudya wants to be part of that glorious Wakandan trio of champions. Don’t let him. He’s from Fiji or somewhere weird. It’s important at this stage to insist that this isn’t racist by explaining how many black friends you have or praising a random black fighter like Derrick Lewis. We all love an exciting underdog story about an Ngannou spending years slowly making his way across the planet, through adversity until finally making it to the states and eventually becoming world champion, what we don’t like is some weirdo who’s not even from Africa maybe, definitely not America, coming over here, knocking out a couple of people and doing a stupid dance.

  • “He’s scared of Jon Jones”

This is probably the most obvious and easiest point to argue. Adeshookya shits his pants at the thought of Bones Jones. Jon Jones is the best in the world at many things, sniffing coke, driving, calf exercises, booking fights at heavyweight, beating fighters who have a shift at TGI Fridays after the card, and schooling Adelameya. Think about it, Adechinnya has been knocked out in the ring, Jones has never been knocked out in the ring, cage, pool, or even in the car after multiple crashes. I’ve watched over 6 fights this year and haven’t seen Jones rocked once. It’s no wonder Israel fears him. Not to mention Jones’ constant 24 tweet in row rants about how he’s the GOAT and Adenerdya is just an anime dork he would knock out in seconds. Adesanya is pathetic, and not having the balls to fight a definitely not over the hill and massive draw Jones for probably very little money is the icing on the cake.

By Ben Nuñez

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