Former heavyweight champion Cain Velasquez is partnering up with Chris Hansen in a new TV series, “To Hunt a Predator”, it has emerged. Following his recent legal incident involving the pursuit and shooting at of an alleged abuser, Hansen reached out to resurrect his career in a new ‘buddy cop’ style show that Chris has described as “like Bad Boys, but with more murder”, we went to him for more
“TV has gotten stale recently, and paedophiles have gotten too brazen since my last show got cancelled. They need to be stopped” declared the former Dateline star “when I saw how passionate Cain was about taking justice into his own hands, it made perfect sense for us to partner up. The most important thing is keeping these scumbags off the streets. And the paycheques from the huge Mexican audience coming in”
UFC President Dana White agreed “Hansen’s right, the Mexicans are a proud people who appreciate justice and quality television. And of course, the viewing figures don’t hurt. Why do you think I always sprinkle a few into the ultimate fighter series? I fully support this programme, and its complete disregard of the judicial system” said White “the finder’s fee for getting Chris in touch with Cain has nothing to do with it, as the cheque will probably bounce anyway”
We asked Hansen to expand on the concept “it’s a combination of ‘To Catch a Predator’, ‘Dogg the Bounty Hunter’, and ‘The Most Dangerous Game’” he proudly revealed “posing as 11-year-old children in chat rooms, we will lead unsuspecting sex offenders out into the open where they will be maced and gunned down for sport”
We asked about the legality of the proposed show “well you’ll be happy to know that sexual predators are technically classed as animals in most of America, besides California where they’re classed as movie producers” Hansen revealed “so the hunting aspect won’t be an issue. If you think Velasquez shoots a good double leg, wait until you see him shoot a gun. It’s not quite as bad as what he did to JDS, but it’s pretty damn close”
We went to Pat Barry for comment, but were told he had fled the country
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