Disputed bantamweight champion Aljamain Sterling has landed a consultancy job at famous paper merchants Dunder Mifflin, it has emerged. The Funk Master had recently been looking for some extra work since a mysterious injury took him out of his much-anticipated rematch with probably actual champion Petr Yan
“I just couldn’t get medically cleared” Sterling revealed “I had a bit of a headache and my leg was kinda sore from sleeping on it funny, but the story we’re sticking to is lingering injuries and my neck surgery” admitted the fighter of Jamaican origin “It’s such a shame because I was so looking forward to fighting Yan again, the first time went so well. But with all this time off I was looking for work, and Dunder Mifflin made perfect sense”
We went to UFC President Dana White for comment “this seemed like the perfect marriage” the UFC boss revealed “Dunder Mifflin were looking for a specialist consultant, a champion of paper, and when you hear the words paper and champion in the same sentence, Sterling comes instantly to mind” declared Dana “some may argue letting our recognised champion galivant in a new career at a middling paper merchant devalues the title, but the $5 million finders fee says otherwise. Think about how we could reinvest that back into the fighters. In theory”
Dunder Mifflin CEO David Wallace was ecstatic “we’re more than happy with our paper champion” the ‘suck it’ inventor declared “we searched high and low for an out and out paper champion, and none came more recommended than Aljamain Sterling”
Aljamain’s manager Ali Abdelaziz had this to say “dominant, supreme grappling, underrated stand up, the heart of a champion, the most legitimate title reign I’ve ever seen, and will go down as one of the greatest fighters of all time. Damn, I really miss managing Khabib. But anyway, Sterling. His recovery is going really well” the prolific manager revealed “I think we’ll really see how healthy Aljamain is depending on how Yan looks against Sandhagen”
We asked Corey Sandhagen how he felt about the whole debacle “What? Yan isn’t champion? This is for the interim? A DQ? I honestly didn’t notice; I must have just zoned out. All I remember is 4 rounds of Sterling getting the absolute shit kicked out of him followed by him lying on the floor unconscious” confessed the contender “I’m just gonna go ahead and agree with the rest of the world that this fight is basically for the real title”
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