BREAKING: Gregorina Hardy Comes Out as Transgender Woman

Former NFL star Gregorina Hardy has come out as a transgender woman, it has emerged. The controversial heavyweight prospect came out with the news last night at her residence sporting gorgeous straight blonde locks “ever since I was a little girl, I knew I was different from the other kids” admitted Hardy “when all the boys were roughhousing with one another and getting into fights, I was just always drawn to fighting the girls” the former defensive end giggled “now I know why”

We went to UFC president Dana White for more “you know this really makes a lot of sense” revealed the UFC boss “all the criticism we received for promoting Hardy due to the poisonous narrative of a man abusing his girlfriend now seems laughable” White declared “we at the UFC know and understand that what gender you are or identify with doesn’t matter, we exploit everybody equally”

We asked Hardy if he was planning on competing in the female MMA divisions “oh absolutely, and anybody objecting is not only sexist, but homophobic”

We went to sexist homophobe Mark ‘The Patriarch’ Wilson to test Hardy’s theory “not only does he have my full, unwavering support, but I actually prayed for this moment” Wilson confessed “Just the idea of watching 125-pound women getting their faces broken in half by this animal is already giving me a semi, I’m glad someone is finally putting these stuck-up sluts in line, even if he does have to dress up like a f-” we cut the interview off there

Wilson wasn’t the only fan supporting Hardy, blue haired Jessica Woken had this to say “as a non-binary pan sexual I know that participation is the most important thing in society” they said adjusting her lip ring “Gregorina is smart, beautiful and so, so brave. The fact that she’s 240 pounds and a jacked former NFL player shouldn’t matter, she’s a woman and has a right to compete”

Dana White agreed “the idea of the first ever transgender champion sounds like something that would cause a stir and therefore make a fuck ton of money, so naturally I’m in favour. Oh, and because I’m pro LGBT or whatever. Nunes has already cleared her division and has more testosterone than most of the guys, so an open weight bout with her makes sense”