BREAKING: Pat Barry to Star as ‘Predator’ in Ambitious New Reboot

After a disappointing reboot in 2018, Pat Barry has been handpicked to star in a second reboot of the Schwarzenegger classic which producers are hopeful will perform much better, it has emerged.

We went to UFC President Dana White for comment “as soon as the studio approached us with this, we were delighted” admitted the UFC boss “the issue with the last movie was that no one had the mindset of a real Predator, whereas Pat Barry embodies it perfectly, after being one for so many years” Dana continued “the studio offering 5% of the gross was not a factor”

In a shock announcement it was also revealed that the studio had appointed Roman Polanski to direct. A spokesperson saying, “it’s clear we are taking absolutely no chances here with how authentic the title of this movie is” he confidently declared “we’re rounding off the cast with a crack team consisting of R Kelly, Jared from Subway, and we’ve even pulled some strings to have a hologram of Michael Jackson.”

If you’ll excuse the pun, they’re pulling no punches here even appointing Barry’s 29-year-old girlfriend of 15 years Rose Namajunas as the main protagonist. As soon as Barry heard he would be the predator, he began grooming Rose immediately for the role. “Yes, without a doubt I’ve been grooming her” declared Barry “for the movie, I mean”

“We had some conflict with the studio as I’d prefer the movie to be PG-13” admitted the former heavyweight fighter “the thought of not being able to interact with 13-year-old fans is a huge turn off for me. As an actor, I mean”

Ticket pre-orders are already on sale, the very first being sold to a Mr. C Hansen. Congratulation’s sir, we’re sending you a free T-shirt

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