The UFC have decided to put the flyweight title on the line in their first ever open weight tournament, it has emerged. Sources inside the company have leaked that Brandon Moreno will have to face fighters of all weight classes in the ordeal.
Dana White had this to say “This isn’t just a thinly veiled ruse designed to give me an excuse to cut the division when a heavyweight inevitably wins” explained the UFC president “in fact we’re doing everything we can to bolster the division by forming an ironclad scouting committee of individuals dedicated to preserving the flyweights” Dana triumphantly declared
The ‘critical union of national talent scouts’, or C.U.N.T.S, has become a non-profit wing of the UFC that chairman Charlie Smith has described as “definitely not a tax write off”. We went to him for more “we pride ourselves on finding the best and youngest talent possible, in a professional way, not a weird Pat Barry way” explained the group leader, who appeared to be on his third or fourth beer. “the lack of up and coming flyweights is of grave concern and is top of our list of priorities. We’ll start looking right after Love Island”
We caught up with other staffers in the committee in their ‘large operating unit nationally gathering evidence’ room, or L.O.U.N.G.E “the best way to scout is to get an idea of the division by playing a few games of EA UFC 4 using the fighters” explained a committee member, halfway through a spliff and blatantly using Francis Ngannou “that way you know what the division has and what it needs to improve. Probably”
UFC legend Chuck Liddell chimed in on the project “to be honest I didn’t even know divisions went down that far” admitted the hall of famer “I’d just assumed Dana had hired a tribe of Oompa Loompas for the performance center, to scold us in song whenever mistakes are made during training” pondered the Ice Man “Wait, who are you again? Where are my pills?”
By Ben Nuñez