BREAKING: The UFC to Implement a Living Wage of $15 an Hour

The UFC has decided to implement a living wage of $15 dollars an hour, it has emerged. Sources from inside the company have leaked that due to widespread criticism from fighters and media outlets, the UFC has been pressured into this new scheme.

We went to Dana White for more “We’ve heard what everyone’s been saying and we’ve taken the criticism on board” revealed the UFC President “to combat fighters living out of their cars, or quitting MMA due to crippling debt, we have decided to revolutionise the game yet again with an actual living wage.”

Apple CEO Tim Cook chimed in at the radical idea “this $15 dollars an hour seems extreme, but these are people who put their lives on the line every day. Here at Apple we lead the market in innovation which is why we thought our suicide nets would stay at the cutting edge of employee wellbeing, but this strike of genius may have taken the cake” admitted the tech boss

Other companies recently under fire for not paying a living wage to their employees, such as McDonalds and Walmart, were shocked by the decision, a spokesperson revealing “we’ve met some UFC officials on millionaire retreats, and this seems incredibly out of character. Sean Shelby once refused to tip a waitress because she didn’t have change for a fifty”

Former double champion and current UFC shill Daniel Cormier had this to say “although this salary seems excessive to me, the UFC has never been wrong before” said the Olympian, fixating on the signed Dana White poster he hangs proudly above his bed “with this new scheme, fighters in 3 round bouts could earn as much as $3.75 for just one fight. Obviously we won’t be paying for the breaks between rounds.”

By Ben C

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close