The Twat’s Guide to Defending Fighter Pay

Are you a complete and utter twat who defends the UFC’s pay policy? Unfortunately, most people disagree with your small minded fuck nuttery, and almost certainly laugh at you both behind your back and to your cum stained face. However, never fear. In this new series of short, snappy articles Combat Hub will be gifting you a ‘How to’ guide. Today’s is for anyone brave enough to reveal that their parents are most likely brother and sister by defending how the UFC pay their fighters.

  • “They signed a contract”

Buzz phrases as snappy as Anderson Silva’s leg against Weidman are going to be important, as explaining your points in any detail will just reveal your momentous ignorance. As human beings, we all know signing any contract of any kind sacrifices your rights entirely in any situation, something you have to constantly remind people of. We all know it’s impossible to be exploited if there is a contract in place, it has probably never happened before. If your opponent names one example, ask them to name 10 more. If they can do that, laugh at their sources from, what is most likely, fake news sites.

  • “They should just go to Bellator”

This may seem like an incredibly stupid thing to say. But you tell me, is telling a fighter to go to a promotion that is smaller, less prestigious, less affluent and overall worst than the UFC in every way stupid? Not when it comes to money. Sure, the UFC have a monopoly on the highest level on competition and maybe they abuse that power a little, but they’ve earned it with hard work. Well, mostly just literally buying every other reasonably good promotion. But the point still stands, if you don’t like how the UFC steamrolls over everyone like Ngannou on meth, makes nowhere else a valid option and exploits your labour like Joshua Fabia exploits Diego Sanchez’s insanity and probably several drugs, then just go to Bellator, you communist. You get cool shorts or something.

  • “They should have negotiated”

Right, I know the last two points seem as inconsistent as Usman’s hairline, but bear with me here. Claim that they should just simply ask for more money. I have never known of a fight to fall through because Dana didn’t pay someone. People may try to list countless examples of when this has happened in the past, which is when you tell them the fighter asked for too much money, because he was scared to fight. Which makes sense. These are people who fight for a living and don’t make much money, so to accept a fight, write off a good chunk of the year, only to pussy out happens all too often. Don’t believe me? Dana says it all the time, and he lies as little as Jones crashes his car.

  • “This is a business, not a sport”

If push comes to shove and someone with more than half a brain counters any of these ludicrous points, which I’m not going to lie is pretty likely, this is your ultimate weapon. We in the boot licking community like to call it the ‘full mouth timberland’. Simply denounce the sport you love into nothing more than a business, that must exploit its fighters and sacrifice morality due to profit motive. People may point out that other sporting organizations more popular and wealthier than the UFC pay their players staggeringly higher percentage-wise than the UFC do, which is when you call MMA prize fighting, whatever that means. Nobody really knows, but it somehow justifies paying someone less than $10,000 for three months work and then risking their lives while we drink beer, eat pizza and criticize their jab despite being too unfit to even lift our own arms.

By Ben C

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