5 Reasons Why Dana White is a Genius

Dana White has been President of the UFC for over 20 years now. Oh God, has it really been that long? Under his leadership he has turned glorified, drunk bums fighting for a sandwich into a multimillion dollar corporation. You don’t accomplish these kinds of things without being a genius, and his uncanny resemblance to Lex Luther is no coincidence. You can’t teach this kind of knowledge of the sport and business acumen. I mean if a competing promotion is better than yours, who in the world would have the genius idea to simply just buy them? Honestly, I don’t know how he does it. A champion from another company is better than yours? Offer him a better contract for more money. Damn. How shrewd. It may be hard for us simpletons to comprehend, but I will try and break down 5 reasons why Dana has showed us he really is a genius.

5. Title Shots Off of Losses

This ingenuity really came out of left field. Most professional sports determine who wins a championship based on who is better, or who has earned it. The fools. Dana White has proved once again he is one step ahead of the curve as his astute business pedigree shines through. It shouldn’t matter who has earned or deserves a title shot, it’s about who is the most popular and makes the most money. It’s for the good of the sport. Let’s say Real Madrid lost to Espanyol in a semi-final, I bet you idiots think Espanyol deserve a place in the final, right? Wrong. Real Madrid are more popular, they’re a bigger draw, and something else about them having earned it many times over in the past or some shit like that because apparently that’s still relevant. Once again, Dana has left other professional sports in the lurch, displaying how progressive he really is. Yoel Romero on a two fight losing streak? Title shot. Jose Aldo lost his only fight in that division? Title shot. Cody Garbrandt never fought in that weight class before? Title shot. Aljamain Sterling is crying about not getting a title shot, but has he even tried losing? Grow up. Not only have all of these worked out, it’s legitimised the titles in all of those divisions. Probably.

4. Forgiving Drug Cheats

Lance Armstrong. Barry Bonds. Ben Johnson. These are just a few names whose careers have been ruined because of bullshit ideas such as “fairness”, “safety” and “rules”. No, no, not on Dana’s watch. This was a brave stance for Dana to take, standing up to big doping and using his moral and business acumen to pick and choose himself who is guilty and deserves punishment and who is not. Are you the light heavyweight champion and responsibly injecting trace amounts of performance enhancing drugs that don’t even enhance your performance in any way, in fact, it’s probably just cocaine or Viagra? Don’t worry my friend, we’ll move an entire event last minute for you, costing absolutely everybody thousands. Are you an up and coming young talent who poisons his body with crippling addictive and harmful marijuana? You disgust me. You’re banned for 18 months and then hopefully cut. Nobody wants to buy a PPV to watch some hippies sing in a love circle. Where is this shrewd entrepreneurial spirit in other sports? Nowhere. Those fools ban drug cheats without even a bit favouritism, and the UFC is eclipsing them because of it.

3. Creating Random Rankings and Then Not Following Them Anyway

Look at a league table or the standings of any other professional sport. I dare you. I bet that the most successful team, the team with the most wins, is top right? And the team with the least is at the bottom? Disgusting. It breaks my heart how stuck in the past these dinosaur sporting leagues still are. Another revolutionary innovation by Dana has been the almost random UFC rankings that have no real baring on anything. Other sports are boring, you know who are going to qualify for championships or playoffs just by looking at the table, not the UFC. It’s exciting, it keeps you on the edge of your seat, who knows what’s goanna happen next? Here’s the real genius – not even Dana. Brian Ortega hasn’t fought for nearly two years and guess what, he’s still ranked number 2. Well, does that mean he’s next in line for a title shot? Absolutely not. Who is? We still don’t know, we may never know, and we tune in every single week just for the faintest idea of who it might be. I never thought throwing shit to a wall and seeing what sticks could generate so much interest, but then I’m nowhere near Dana White’s intellect.

2. Dana White’s Contender Series

Remember all the amazing talent that have come through the ranks of The Ultimate Fighter? Neither do I, because it didn’t happen. TJ Dillashaw, Michael Bisping, Rob Whittaker, Tony Ferguson, all incredibly overrated hacks who have no place in today’s UFC. Dana knows this, which is why he smartly cancelled that show. Let’s be honest, vetting potential TUF fighters for months, hosting trials, whittling it down to a select good few, giving them elite trainers and facilities for months and culminating in an exciting card at the end with two high profile coaches who have developed a fierce rivalry finally going at it, is a terrible idea. It’s trashy TV at its finest in the same league as Love Island or The Bachelor, in fact I’m shocked that most of the fighters don’t end up dating. The biggest issue with that show is the eliminations are tournament style, meaning Dana has no control over who wins. Basically, whoever gets a contract is based on merit. Absolutely sickening. As we all know, nobody has a deeper knowledge of the sport than Dana, not the coaches, fighters, refs or judges, so the idea to axe that dumpster fire and start his own contender series where he arbitrarily picks whoever, whenever, like a drunk King declaring prima nocta, was second to none. It’s just better for him to have complete control over everything, and the bland, boring format makes it easily digestible for a mainstream audience.

1. Conor McGregor

I know plenty of other sporting leagues and organisations have been accused of favouritism to a team or player before, but nobody has had the brains or the balls to make it more blatant than Dana White does with Conor McGregor. This business genius is unrivalled, Conor being the biggest draw in UFC history means Dana White has shrewdly kept McGregor satisfied with large paycheques and 24/7 handjobs on request since his meteoric rise. McGregor, along with Dana White’s brain, are the reason the UFC is so popular today. Who could forget that time McGregor beat the best featherweight of all time, didn’t defend the belt then got given a title shot at lightweight? Who remembers when he refused to defend again and went off the compete in an entirely different sport? Was Dana frustrated? Did he stick by the UFC and MMA, remove Conor from the rankings, defend the legitimacy of his titles? No. He did only what a brutally dedicated businessman, slavishly devoted to financial gain would do, he fell to his knees and took every Irish inch. But here’s the real genius, getting knocked out by a boxer, in a boxing match, insanely made Conor actually look like a better boxer, fighter and human being. Dana is clearly playing levels of 3D chess we can’t even begin to comprehend here, because I have no idea how he pulled this off. Award Conor another title shot and let him promote the fight with racism? Yes. Let him fight at welterweight but treat it as lightweight? Check. Still rank him 11th pound for pound over two world champions? Jesus, this is Jeff Bezos level business sorcery, something we as mere mortals will never truly understand.

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